(Cross-posted at three rivers fog.)
I noticed something was wrong in the earliest hours of the morning, when my husband had disappeared from bed but I did not hear anything going on in the bathroom and could not see him anywhere.
Around 8, he got up to go to the bathroom and I lifted myself out of bed to use it after him. When he emerged, he was very clearly not well and said, in a seriously distressed tone, “I just had the most awful night” and stumbled around me back to bed.
It’s not emotional, he clarified as he curled up awkwardly on his side of the mattress, it’s just physical. He had problems feeling seriously sick to his stomach, which never culminated in anything, just churned on and on without relief, and had serious sharp pains in several places — shoulder, lower back, knees — and a generalized all-over ache that left him feeling miserable, unable to find a single comfortable (nay, just non-miserable) position no matter where he stood, sat or lay.
“This is how I imagine you feel every day,” he moaned, as he tossed his body into a different awkward position in an attempt to find some relief.
He needed the still, quiet, restful sleep so badly, but hurt too much to stay lying in place in bed for more than a few moments, and the pain was too distracting to be able to actually fall asleep — and precisely because of this, he was in no condition to be anywhere else but in bed sleeping. A familiar situation for me.
A few minutes later, already in his thirtieth position attempting to achieve some state of rest in bed, he pushed over to where I sat on my side of the bed and asked, “How do you do this every single day?”
Staring at my nightstand drawer, I smiled a bit and replied, “A lot of medicine. And you to help me.”
I can’t tell you how many times my wife has said “I don’t know how you do this” when she hurts.
“I have really good drugs and years of practice?” And I’ve helped her learn some meditation breathing exercises that help some when the pain is stress-related.
.-= kaninchenzero´s last blog ..[Trigger Warning] I Don’t Need Anyone to Blame Me =-.
Aye, it’s an interesting one for (partner and non-partner) relationships. I find it difficult, but helpful, to try to think back to what it was like for me before I’d developed the strategies for managing pain and fatigue. Sometimes it’s easy for me to get grumpy with people, but I think I’m also being ungenerous when that happens. There was, after all, a time when all this was new to me too, and I was at my wit’s end trying to manage, and didn’t know how.
–IP
Every time my partner complains of aches and pains (and there are quite a few given that he’s a carpenter who shuns painkillers) I just smile sweetly and say, “Welcome to my life.”