Chatterday! Open Thread.

This is our weekly Chatterday! open thread. Use this open thread to talk amongst yourselves: feel free to share a link, have a vent, or spread some joy.

What have you been reading or watching lately (remembering spoiler warnings)? What are you proud of this week? What’s made your teeth itch? What’s going on in your part of the world?

Today’s zombie-kitten Chatterday backdrop is via the Daily Squee.

Sunlit cute kittens walking on hindlegs like zombies

38 thoughts on “Chatterday! Open Thread.

  1. I hate modern society.

    I came home for Spring Break on Sunday morning. I woke up that day with a sore throat (and had a bad painful night – the pain took my breath away!) and by the evening, full blown head cold.

    I woke up today (Friday) with it fully gone.

    This has been a low stress week, and it still took most of it to get over a “simple” cold (no fever, occasional nausea). But I got lucky with timing – next week or last week, do I go to class or not?

    It’s so basic advice – you need time and rest (slept most of the last couple days and most of the nights) to “get over” an illness. But that’s a privilege. And it shouldn’t be.

    My PT continues to be awesome. When I went in Wednesday, he asked me if it had been helping. I was under the impression PTs would wait months before doing something like that! And I’m sad – the Tenge unit worked a couple times, but not anymore, so that’s one pain reliever off the list. The recumbent bike – no pain while biking, but once I stop it’s back.

    I finally watched a Bollywood classic – Mughal-e-Azam – and it bored me silly. But I’m not alone.

    Finally – those links this week to people signing songs are to blame for me buying “Single Ladies” and thinking of buying “Party in the USA”.

    Oh, this week’s reading – a book on Al Jazeera printed in 2002 – very interesting. And the book Flow: A Cultural History of Menstruation. The parts about the physical cycle are meant for “normal” women, though they do acknowledge – a lot – that not all women are that lucky. So I don’t feel like I’m weird or ignored, if that makes sense. (I haven’t had one since June of 2006.) And actually, some of the stuff makes me feel better – some things that happen when you’re perimenopausal are similar to what I’m going through now. (I don’t care what Depo is supposed to do, this is what it’s done to me. FFS, dayquil used to make me crash. Apollo Ohno, why do you lie?)

  2. While researching for a class in my school computer lab, I discovered that our content filter blocks almost EVERY women’s advocacy groups and LGBTQ advocacy groups. What’s really fucked up is that conservative websites aren’t blocked. It’s biased censorship crap, and I’m writing to my principal and superintendent to change this. I’m also writing a editorial about this for my school newspaper. Any advice?

  3. I’ve not been sleeping well this week, I’m getting stressed by the fact OT haven’t got any further with their report for my new job and it’s been causing me to forget doses of my pills. Which of course has made things worse and the simple act of putting teaching books away sucker punched me in the stomach yesterday and my mood has further nosed dived and I just want to cry. Not helped by the fact I went to my first Pain association meeting today and I was the youngest by far and got the ‘lucky you’ve got a stick to show you’ve got a problem’ spiel again. /vent.

    On the other hand, I’ve ordered two more awesome looking sticks and no one glared at me this week.

    Kaitlyn, I know exactly what you mean about privilege. But Yay! for the PT.

    Sarahj, I’m not sure but perhpas you could refernce discrimination laws? Sorry can’t be of more use.

  4. I don’t feel good this week. First was menstrual cramps, then stomaches, then a cold – or some combination of all 3. I’m not sleeping well as a result. Or I’m sick because I’m not sleeping well. It’s something. My pelvic floor is real tense this week, I need to do my stretches today or tomorrow when I’m up for it again.

    And I was doing so well all winter – no colds or flu.

    I had a nice work week though. My boss was the only person in meatspace to wish me & the other office ladies a “Happy women’s day!” that just made my day.
    I had one other really nice thing happen at work but I don’t really like to talk about work online so it’s sufficent to say I like my job.

    Sarahj – if you go with the editorial route – just be prepared for rebuttals. My school had some very conservative writers on the newspaper staff & they would just go on & on about – well, conservative stuff. I didn’t pay much attention to it, something about liberal media and talk show radio hosts. So someone might reply back something about how the sites blocked corrupt youth anyway, or what do you intend to do, block more sites? And yadda yadda such & such. Plan ahead.
    .-= K´s last blog ..Interesting posts, weekend of 3/7/10 =-.

  5. —–Trigger Warning——

    So, I said after last week’s open thread I would keep y’all updated on what’s going on with regards to my coming out about my being molested.

    My dad came down Tuesday and it went even better than I had hoped – I knew he would be on my side, but it was still so, so nerve-wracking to tell him. At one point, he said in a response to a question from Mary (the counsellor) that he found it hard to believe because if she had asked him to make a list of men he knew that he thought might do this, the guy who did it to me wouldn’t be on it – but since I said it, he was talking my words as Gospel. My dad’s somewhat religious, and doesn’t use that phrase lightly, so it felt really, really good to hear him say it like that.

    He told my mother at home on Wednesday (she’d gone to work at the hospital by the time he got home Tuesday night), and then she came down yesterday. Even though I have a number of issues with my mother, she actually managed to avoid setting any of them off (a feat, since she doesn’t yet know what my issues with her are, and I wasn’t going to get into it yesterday). She did ask me a LOT about why hadn’t I told them, which bothered me, but since it was the first time she and I had discussed it, I cut her some slack yesterday. Next time she says that, I’ll tell her to stop, though.

    I’ve decided I’m going to press charges, even with the abysmal conviction rate for sexual assault here in Canada.

    Also, as it turns out, he was charged last year with molesting his and his wife’s niece but was not convicted. My dad and I were both unaware of this until Mum told us after Dad told her my story, but it’s only reinforced my desire to lay charges. I’m considering getting into contact with the niece – if I were her, it would help me to know I wasn’t the only one he ad done this too – but I haven’t decided for sure. It’s something I have to think about very seriously and very long, since there is such potential for harm to someone else if I make a poor decision.

  6. Caitlin – I’m glad that telling your parents went smoothly and that you have some support as you deal with this.

    As for me, I’m missing out on a family wedding this weekend because I’m too sick to make the trip, which is disappointing me. I get tired of having to cancel things all the time. OTOH, I think I’m accepting better the fact that canceling things sometimes is really my better option: better than just not planning to do anything and better than pushing myself so hard to do things that I get sicker. So, really, progress towards acceptance is a good thing in the end.

  7. I finally got to take my cat to the vet today. She’s been having problems with sores and hair loss, and appears utterly miserable, the poor love. The vet was kind and understanding, though I feel horrible about not having been able to get her in sooner. The cat should be ok. She’s probably allergic to fleas or something (though I don’t think she’s been exposed to fleas, but I suppose it’s possible) and has a skin infection from fussing with her sores. So, antibiotics and steroids and hopefully she’ll be back to fluffy in a month or so. The vet said that even though she’s been on flea treatments, it can’t stop the fleas from biting her once, which is all it takes if she’s allergic. I guess that means this could happen again? It sucks. So, fingers crossed that we’ve gotten to the bottom of this and she’ll be ok.

    @Caitlin – I’m so glad that your family has been supportive of you so far. What you’re doing is incredibly brave.

  8. I usually read and don’t post, but I’m a bit bothered by this and hope someone here has a suggestion for how to handle this next time it comes up!

    Today I got into a terrible, awkward situation where I got asked very publicly whether I had a disability (as a type of legitimation thing). I’m not surprised by the question — I was doing some education about people with disabilities. But I still don’t know how to answer it. I have a mental illness, of a variety I feel is very stigmatized, and I’m not ready to be publicly out to strangers about it.

    Has anybody tried a partial disclosure of a mental/invisible disability? If so, what do you say? How do people respond?

  9. Still struggling to get to a dentist. I was going to go to the one my clinic network operates even though it’s far (hopefully they’ll put one in the city soon) because I figured it would be a sure thing, but they aren’t accepting new patients.

    Since my state has stupid HMOs for Medicaid patients over 21, a lot of places that say they accept Medicaid actually have restrictions, so I had to contact the third party agency my HMO uses for dental coverage. (I know, right? Why does it need to be even more complicated?) The last time I called, I was given the names of two dental practices, one of which wasn’t actually taking Medicaid anymore and the second stopped taking it not too long after I went. I was informed of different practices this time, so hopefully, something works out. I hate leaving this hanging over the weekend, but there’s only so many phone calls I can make in a day.

    Not looking forward to going since I have other teeth that bother me besides the one with the lost filling. That and my wisdom teeth never surfaced even though they were supposedly growing in several years ago. Hopefully, I can get that taken care of later if I need to have something done. I don’t know how much I’m gonna be able to afford and I only get a tiny discount on dental work.

  10. So. I had gone to work tonight, but then I started having a complete freak-out-anxiety-attack, so I had to leave. Went to my wonderful Shannon’s apartment, then she and I took a cab up to the outdoor where I saw the awesome Dr. Steeves and he gave me a regular lorazepam for getting to sleep tonight and a prescription for sub-lingual lorazepam for taking when I start to freak out. Also, a note for leaving work tonight and so I don’t have to work tomorrow night. Which, shit, money, but at the same time, I would not have been able to handle it because the awful support manager is on tomorrow night (tonight having been the last night for the awesome support manager, sadface) and she frustrates me to tears on a GOOD day.

  11. @ Sadie Kay,
    I very often get into awkward situations when I’m in public due to my odd behaviour. When people get confused or irritated I used to tell them I’m autistic and that was sooo annoying, because most people know either nothing about it, or they’ve seen Rainman.
    Nowadays, I usually just tell them I’m disabled, and surprisingly most people go “Oh, okay” and I don’t have to go into tedious details.
    I don’t know how this translates to your situation of course, but maybe if you just said that you’re disabled and it’s an invisible disability that you’re not comfortable talking about yet, maybe it would get you out of awkward situations like this.

    aw, sorry you’re having such a mother of ass time.
    The pressing charges might actually encourage more possible victims to come out of the woodwork, I mean if he’s done that twice, you’ll never know how many more there are.
    .-= Kowalski´s last blog ..Weekend Linkfest =-.

  12. @ Caitlyn: good for you for having told your parents. I am glad your father reacted so well and your mother reacted not bad.

  13. @Caitlin – So happy for you that you’re moving forward and that you’ve got a great support network. About pressing charges – what Kowalski said – more victims may come forward. Of course, as I’m sure your counsellor has told you, don’t do it if it’s too hard, especially with the low conviction rate, all those memories brought up again. Though it may be better to bite the bullet and do it all now when it’s fresh and people are there for you.

    Best wishes and support in all of this!

    I watched a movie yesterday called Vanaprastham and it was about Kathakali dancers, and there was a scene where a fan and a dancer communicated entirely through hand movements that are an integral part of the dance.

    @Sadie Kay – I usually tell people if it’s a reason why I’m acting this way. Like in an e-mail to a prof after leaving class (they already know I’m not “healthy”), or just telling people that I have chronic pain, and that’s why I didn’t do whatever. I usually head people off, so they don’t have a chance to ask.

    But if you’re not comfortable with the question, ask them why they need to know. Turn the tables. Or ask them about their health. Intrusive? Of course.

  14. I don’t know if this has made headlines outside of Central NY, but I go to Cornell and we just had two consecutive suicides—it’s all the more publicized in that we have gorges and bridges all around campus, and those who took their lives threw themselves off them. This is especially hard for me at this time of year since I’m coming up on the one-year marker of when I had to be hospitalized for violent obsessions that made me lose grip with reality (I just came back from a health leave two months ago) and while I can’t say I’ve ever lost the will to live, some of my obsessions lately, as an OCD sufferer, have revolved around swallowing all my medicine and overdosing. I find that repugnant and know I could never do that, it’s hard for me to shake the thought. I’m in the middle of midterms, too, and while I think it’s all manageable, the sheer volume of work I have this week ratchets up my anxiety. I can’t wait to go home for spring break a week from today.

    Also, in light of the suicides and the fact that afterwards there seems to be ableist witch-hunting for anyone with a mental disorder so they can have “I DON’T WANT YOU TO DIE!!!” screamed at them, I really, really want to start a neurodiversity advocacy group on campus—I’d call it STAND: Students Teaching Acceptance of Neurodiversity. Cornell has a disabilities union—I’ve never yet been to the meetings, but I’ve contacted the president and she thinks it’s a great idea, and I’ll go to a meeting on Monday—but there are plenty of sub-groups of larger groups, and I think that especially in light of these tragedies (although since I’m on the autism spectrum as well, I’ve been wanting to start this ever since I saw a fundraiser for *shudder* Autism Speaks in a dining hall), we could benefit from a neurodiversity-targeted group.

  15. sarahj, if you want, drop me an email? I can help you with some letter drafts and stuff.

  16. @Sadie Kay

    I think we’re expected to “justify” our disability status, and I know it still makes me uncomfortable even decades after my impairment became evident through a wheelchair. When random people poke me with, “Why do you use a wheelchair?” one-to-one, I respond with, “It’s a complicated story I don’t have time for right now” or “It’s a long, boring, & detailed story. Let’s talk about ….” If I’m still talking with this person in a month, and they ask again, I’ll say, “Why do you want to know?” If their interest seems genuine, I’ll tell them.

    In an explicit teaching situation, like disability equality training or “crip for a day” panel, I address what’s often driving the question: am I qualified? I redirect by saying, “That’s not relevant to our discussion today. My/our presentation is based on extensive research and discussion with many people with different impairments.”

    Because I’m on full-time disability, I’m not putting my job/reputation at risk by disclosing mental health impairments. When I do disclose any impairment, I include mental health issues, because some folks don’t have the luxury or capacity to do so. In other words, not all of us have to do everything.

  17. @Sadie – or on a thread through here – “Are you looking for inspiration? That’ll be $$ please.” Actually, I first thought “buy me a sandwich” but it’s almost noon and someone got up at 6:30 and is hungry… so I’m even more irrelevant than usual.

    When you get a “normal” bug – the flu, a cold, a stomach bug – does that affect your “usual” illnesses?

    I noticed I had more periods of less pain the worse my head felt this week, and as the snotty feeling has tapered off and left, the pain is back. Of course, the night/morning I noticed symptoms, hours before the pain had me gasping for breath, so I may just be grasping at straws.

  18. I got The Question again last night. You know the one – the ‘What’s wrong with you?’ question.

    It was a work’s night out, and I was sitting in the pub with my good friend Marie, Sharon (who works for another team and with whom I’ve had a total of maybe three non-work related conversations), and a couple of guys who work at the other end of the building and who I’ve never really spoken with before.

    And Marie said, “Hey, how’s your hip since the injection?”

    So I told her it seems to have helped a bit.

    And Sharon said, “Ooh – what’s wrong with your hip?”

    Like she was entitled to know my Disability Story. Like it was just another bit of office gossip.

    Having been asked this question (in various forms) many over the course of my life I mentally ran through my catalogue of stock answers, gauged how well I knew her, how far I trusted her, how much I felt like talking about it, and who else was listening to the answer, and settled on a sigh and, “How long have you got?”

    At which point she backed off.

    It still cost me a couple of spoons, though.

    No matter how many times I get asked that question, it always catches me unawares. I always have that mental ‘oh, fuck’ moment; that moment when I have to decide how much of my life story this person deserves to know.

    For me, there’s a huge difference between choosing to talk in a limited way about my current situation, and being asked to tell someone my whole Disability Story.

    Because the real answer to that question isn’t simple. ‘What’s wrong with my hip’ isn’t a single condition – it’s a complex interaction between a congenital condition, the side effects of various surgeries, and 40 years of wear and tear. It doesn’t even have a name. And it takes about 30 minutes to explain ‘what’s wrong with my hip’ in even the most superficial way.

  19. @Sadie Kay

    I think the best way to handle it would have been to turn it into an educational experience: “Yes, I have a disability. One of the things that I have been trying to get across in my talk has been that people with disabilities are not public property and that we have every bit of privacy that you do regarding our own bodies. This means that you shouldn’t ever assume that a person with disabilities is ever obligated to disclose their disability status or the exact nature of their disability to you.

    When dealing with accommodations, being provided an environment that allows us to be productive and successful, which is easy for people without disabilities as this is the default state of the world in our society, goes beyond disability and is a basic human right.”

    That’s how I would have handled it. Or not… I’ve been known to get tongue-locked when I’m on the spot…

  20. Oh, forgot to do my own chatterday bit!

    Let’s see, midterms are over, except for sign language which I have no doubt I’ll ace. I did well on everything except for one of my classes where I made the mistake of arranging test accommodations outside of the disability office one-on-one with the professor (which we’re allowed to do): I require a private room but at the last moment the professor decided that she didn’t have anyone to watch me take the test so I’d have to take it with everyone else in the normal classroom but that it would be okay because she’d give me extra time… So I ended up being a distraction for the entire class and they ended up being a serious distraction for me while I concentrated on trying not to bark (limited success).

    *sigh* Most professors when I arrange accommodations one-on-one either have me take the test during their office hours or just place me in an empty room with a stern “don’t cheat!”

    In other news, my house almost burnt down because of an electrical fault that caused lightbulbs to explode and a couple pieces of expensive electronics to die horrible melty/smoky deaths. Also, it was a prolonged voltage hike from a bad neutral so the spike wasn’t heavy enough to trip the breakers but still heavy enough to destroy equipment/start a fire. We were very lucky to be home so that we could manually trip the breakers, which electrocuted me when I touched them.

  21. Thank you, everyone, for your support and advice and hugs and all that stuff. It may sound trite or whatever, but you folks here have all helped too, even though I don’t know you in real life.

    So thank you, and if there’s ever anything I can do, let me know.

  22. @Caitlin – there’s nothing you can do but keep us updated – just say “hey” every week if that’s all you’re up to. We love you and hope this goes as well as something like this can go.

  23. @Kaitlyn – well, I actually kind of meant if there was ever any way I could help one of you guys, haha, but I’ll do that too. 🙂

  24. Thanks Anna, I think I’ll follow you up on that offer. I just need to finish up some research and I think I’ll be ready to write.

  25. I’d love everyone’s opinions on the plusses and minuses of chiropractics, if you all have a chance. I just started seeing a chiropractor (for chronic migraines) and I like him, but I’d like to learn about other people’s experiences with chiropractors. Has anyone seen one? With positive effects? Negative? Neutral?
    .-= SavvyChristine´s last blog ..Simple Saturday: We Gather =-.

  26. I just had the worst talk with my mom.

    Right now, the pain medication is working. It wasn’t earlier, I was pulling on my hair, holding my head, just trying to breathe until it did.

    And I told her I couldn’t do this, I couldn’t do school and pain, and she said you did this last march, I came and picked you up, which I didn’t remember at all. Then she said more specific things that I did remember. And she said she spent the whole week not wanting to say something because it was a “one time thing” only now it’s not, it’s a yearly/seasonal thing.

    I don’t know what I needed but how does lecturing me on the fact that Sunday night things said in pain need to be thought out? “I want to stop” said when pain is near OMG levels must mean that I need to consider a job and transportation and where I’m going to live and why haven’t I contacted social security yet? “You can’t stay on the couch all day.”

    “Why don’t you do yoga or go to the Y? That will help with your pain.” How does that help me now? “You’re an adult, you need to do things when you’re not in pain.”

    Just augh! She does not get it. She’s a mom, so I don’t get it.

    She thinks that because I’m on the computer all the time, I can do schoolwork. Just because it’s hard for her to figure things out doesn’t mean it’s hard for me. Schoolwork (an essay for history of religion) DOES NOT EQUAL surfing the net and reading.

    And a cold that left me exhausted and disoriented? Not a good excuse!


  27. @SavvyChristine – just my opinion: chiropractors can be fine for certain things (like lower back pain and pinched nerves). It’s when they claim to be able to fix dozens of health conditions (or blame practically every health problem on poor alignment) that I get dubious and my woo-woo warning bells go off. Also, there are chiropractors now using a device called a pro-adjuster, and it doesn’t require all the “lie down on this table with one arm behind your back and your leg behind your head” stuff. I don’t know what independent studies have shown in terms of effectiveness compared tothe traditional chiropractic manipulation methods, but it’s certainly more comfortable and less embarrassing/alarming. It worked very well on re-aligning my spine and eliminating my painful headaches and recurring pinched nerves (caused by an accident years before).

  28. Well, it’s looking like there’s officially no dentist I can go to. I was given three numbers, and they’re all part of a clinic system that I don’t go to because they never seem to be taking new patients. Like all the other places I called, they’d take me if I was under 21. Of course. Why didn’t anyone inform me that at 21, I was magically supposed to become immune to all dental disasters?

    I’m not sure what to do now. Stupid filling. Why did it have to fall out and give me more things to stress over? I guess I’ll just go to another dentist and pay myself, but I only get $400 or so from SSI because I live with my boyfriend. Yes, it’s exactly the same as when I lived with my parents. I was told by a nice man at the social security office that we had to move or get a roommate, because God forbid I want to be able to cover shit like this on my own.

    I’m sick of being punished because nobody ever gave me a job. I’ve had interviews, but nothing ever panned out, and of course, that’s my fault for “not really wanting a job.” *grumble*

  29. @Quijotesca – Not sure if you’re interested in this or any other suggestions, but checking with the free dentistry directory might get you in touch with people who do pro bono work. Sometimes the dental colleges offer this, and many dentists do it. It may not be easy to get on a list, but better than nothing perhaps.

  30. I’m so pissed that I didn’t type quite coherently enough. Basically, I can’t go to any of the places my insurance company told me about if I’m over 21 unless I’ve been a patient of theirs for at least a year. I never could get in that system and I wouldn’t want to wait a year to get a filling fixed, anyway.

    I might call the insurance company again and chew their heads off. I don’t understand what the point of these HMOs is if they won’t help with anything. And really, how much better can they be than traditional Medicaid if dental offices go out of their way to avoid them?

    I’m looking into things like dental schools. There’s a hospital that offers free dental services, but it’s out of a van and I can’t just call up and make an appointment. This time of year, they go around to schools, so I’d have to call whatever schools they’ve yet to hit and make an appointment. Uh…since there aren’t any dates posted, I’d rather not.

  31. Hi everyone, long-time lurker here…

    I just turned on the computer and realized no one I normally chat with is on, it’s 3am, pain keeping me up all night.

    I have some pain medicine here but I just got a lecture from my (tries to be loving, supportive, bless her heart) partner, about the dangers of getting addicted to pain killers (my mom has struggled with addiction all her life), and she told me that each time you take pain medicine, the amount of pain you feel goes up! Now I can’t stop thinking about this, so I’m awake, in pain, afraid to take my medicine.

    I don’t know where I’m going with this, just, needed to vent somewhere, and I love this place.


  32. Eh, looks like the information I was looking at was out of date, so I might be able to get in. I won’t be able to find out until April 1st, though. I hope this isn’t a prank. 😛

  33. What PWD can’t do – die in peace.

    One of my mom’s former students died last week. She was upset, of course.

    Today, I heard some things from her that made me see red, but I didn’t say anything. She ran into former classmates of his when she came to my campus, and she said “He’s running now” multiple times and “he was so inspiring” once. Sigh.

    Later she told me to be happy on Friday, because my mood wasn’t good enough for her, and I’m not trying hard enough to find a cure. I asked her how she felt when dad told her to be happy when she had SAD, and she said she had a doctor and medicine (I do too) oh she pissed me off she was so mad because I was exhausted. “I can’t help it that I was tired!” “Well find out why! You’re not doing enough! You’re always tired! That’s not a good enough excuse!”

    Thinking about that makes me want to cry, which means that I don’t care. She told me to take a shower (I took one last night) and I need to “want” to get better, I “wallow” in my illness. She was so bitter today. 🙁

  34. It is!

    And today, after PT, she told me that I need to exercise more.

    During the 5 minutes after PT, while I waited for her, I had an attack of the yawns. Full body emeffers, you know? They *hurt*.

    And so being told “you should exercise” after that…

    and she tells me what I should do while telling me that I need to be a grown-up and do things for myself!

    She also didn’t like my attitude because I was in horrific pain and exhausted (before PT), and I didn’t want to do anything but lay down with my heating pad and zone out. So I asked her what she wanted to do. Another tirade – you need to care about what others want, it’s not always about you! I just asked what *she* wanted to do, yet it was about me? W.T.F.

    I get that she’s tired of it, well you think I’m happy? She thinks I need to act happier and take “care of myself”. She really pisses me off. I took a shower last night, “take a shower next time” I brush my hair every day “brush your hair! You don’t deserve (?) to have hair if you don’t take care of it.”

    Normally we’re open with each other, but I don’t think I can tell her how much this hurts, I tell her I’m confused, I don’t know what she wants, and she attacks me with questions – “Why don’t you have a period? What is your female problem? You shouldn’t be on pain medication! Why do see Dr Ego if you hate him?” (And while *we* know he’s the only one, *I* (as in me) don’t really know.)

    Also, hounding me about disability. I have schoolwork, I know it’s hard work. She told me my options this summer were – job, disability, or go to your great-aunt in California that you don’t get along with and hope Stanford has the cure.

    I’m tired.

  35. What’s worse is she thinks therapy (not PT) should be a cure-all, it’s not working if I’m “sad all the time”! (Well, it and the anti-depressant I’m on. I’m up for a change if Dr Ego is)

    But my therapist is on me a lot for what she calls “pathologizing” my moods. I get sad or angry and start wondering why and thinking “I shouldn’t”

    and then shit like this happens.

  36. Seattle Winter – I hope you got some sleep or some relief. I say, would I rather be an addict or someone unable to move (and still in horrible pain) – and which would you rather live with?

    In 8th grade or so, a girl with same name (spelled wrong, of course) got contacts and told me that glasses made your eyes weaker. (I think I wanted to like her 1st day of middle school, my name’s so unique, even a different spelling, but we were icy.)

    At the time, my eyes were getting weaker at a regular basis due to the (at the time) undiagnosed thyroid problem!

    As for pain medication – man it hurts right now, I got class in 50 minutes, kick in meds PLEASE – I build up a tolerance and must go up in dosage and amount of pills until it stops working entirely and I start with a different chemical set up.

    I understand the concerns about addiction, oh do I understand them. They don’t help the depression. “I’m in pain, I’m not an addict.” “I feel good, I’m an addict.” either way, tears and self-doubt and blaming yourself and lots of unhealthy mental things.

  37. One last whine about my mom for this week.

    (Next week’s chatterday thread will be up after my appointment with Dr Ego which involves spending time with mom – I will be showered, my hair will be brushed, and I will be happy. Or else…? I’m also 90% sure she’s not going to go in this time.)

    I called her today and told her some of what I’ve said here.

    “Well you have a chip on your shoulder you need to get rid of.” (First time I’ve heard of this.”


    “You assume people know you don’t feel good.”

    “But when I told you yesterday you got mad at me!”

    “It doesn’t work like that!”

    “If I *assume*, how am I going to get rid of that without telling people?”

    “All you tell me about is your bad days, I only see you on your bad days.” Now she’s doing what she accuses me of doing – only focusing on the bad days.

    She’s just not making sense.

    I don’t feel nervous about Dr Ego, I feel nervous about being with her. I don’t like that.

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