Tag Archives: friends who aren’t

Amusing Answers to Clueless Questions

Ever get really bad questions from clueless abled people? Here are some answers that might come in use.

Q: What’s wrong with you?
A: The fact that I hang around with ableists like you.

Q: What’s your disability?
A: My business.

Q: You’re looking so much better, aren’t you?
A: I like to think I’m becoming a better person all the time. Glad it’s showing!

Q: Can they fix you?
A: You mean what can they fix me, like for lunch? I’d like a salad with awesome sauce, if there’s any left over from making me.

Q: [Intensely personal question]
A: Please, let me inquire as to all the intimate details of your life.

Q: So do you have sex?
A: Not with you.

Q: How did you get that way?
A: I’m glad you asked. It’s a long story. [Pick one of the following and go for it!]

  1. Back on the space station in ’89, I had just discovered the existence of…
  2. I was designing carpets for television talk shows at the time…
  3. I ordered a new jacket out of a catalogue actually, but they sent me this instead! It’s funny, really…
  4. While tracking down manufacturers of obscure bathroom tiles, as was my hobby back then…
  5. It was just an ordinary day. I was in bed, dreaming about strawberry milkshakes, when a really big milkshake started to speak to me…

(You might also enjoy Answers I love to/hope to one day give)

[Sort of cross-posted at Zero at the Bone]