I’ve been shoving myself headlong into activities that keep my busy, and exhausted.
Still I always feel
This strange estrangement
Nothing here is real, nothing here is right*
“Wow! Aren’t you Supermom?”
Well, not really. It just keeps me occupied.
Just hoping no one knows
That I’ve been*
But really, I don’t have this kind of energy. To run to all these practices and game and meetings. To keep up with the chores. The volunteer events. To make meals. The group photos for people. Bringing snacks and handing out sports drinks. To pack lunches. The doctor’s appointments.
Going through the motions
Walking through the part
I have drawn it from somewhere. But I don’t always have somewhere from which to draw it. I feel like I have had to, though. Because if I didn’t I would have to think about the things that roll around in my mind.
And I just don’t want to do that.
I was always brave
And kind of righteous
Now I find I’m wavering*
It isn’t a pity party, or a call for anyone to feel sorry for me. I can’t even say it is a moment of clarity where I realize the err of my ways and that I will stop this silliness and start taking better care of myself. It’s a little late for that now that events are in full swing and people are counting on me to keep going somehow.
It’s my coping mechanism… however good or bad it may be. We all have them. Mine may just lead to more crashes, a slightly elevated pain med use (which is still well below my prescribed allowance), and periodic bouts of me crying into my pillow at night because I am too exhausted and in too much pain to sleep.
Will I stay this way forever?
Sleepwalk through my life’s endeavor?*
So I keep going through the motions.
Eventually I have to pay that proverbial piper (that jerk), but it keeps me going, in a sense, for now.
Warning: Offsite links are not safe spaces. Articles and comments in the links may contain ableist, sexist, and other -ist language and ideas of varying intensity. Opinions expressed in the articles may not reflect the opinions held by the compiler of the post and links are provided as topics of interest and exploration only. I attempt to provide extra warnings for material like extreme violence/rape; however, your triggers/issues may vary, so please read with care.
The first two links were sent in by Penny at Disability Studies from Temple U! Thanks Penny!
I voted for the first one — why? Because using “insanity” to discredit opponents trivializes persons with mental illness — a group that already experiences social marginalization and oppression.
“She had been working at a fast-food place, but they were really taking advantage of the fact that she was disabled,” Masaki said. “So, I offered her a ‘job’ here.”
Brown’s unpaid job is to be a teacher’s aide in Masaki’s classroom. While the position is voluntary, Brown works like the two full-time paid teacher’s aides, Rita Evans and Wendy Usary. The paid aides help Masaki with the classroom teaching everything from potty training to table manners to play time to desk work.
Brown helps control the children and helps keep the classroom running the three days a week she’s there.
The following post, which made me so angry I really cried because I hate the world sometimes, was sent in by reader Blake:
A mentally disabled U.S. citizen who spoke no Spanish was deported to Mexico with little but a prison jumpsuit after immigration agents manipulated him into signing documents allowing his removal, a lawsuit filed Wednesday alleges. His lawyers say the agents ignored records showing his Social Security number, while prison officials wouldn’t tell concerned relatives what happened.
The study showed that students who reported having a disability or chronic illness — no matter where they lived — were more likely to be experience bullying from peers than those who did not. For instance, in France, 41 percent of boys with a disability or chronic illness reported undergoing bullying compared with 32 percent of boys without. Gender, however, was not a factor — boys and girls were victims equally often.
In addition, when students with a disability or chronic illness were restricted from participating in school activities, they had a 30 percent additional risk of being bullied.
Marginalized people are particularly susceptible to having their emotions pathologized, partly because their experiences aren’t typical. When young queers are experiencing depression related to the stigma of their sexuality, people like Tony Perkins swoop in to point the blame at their sexuality, and not the stigma that they themselves are perpetrating. Women, queers, the disabled, people of color, political dissidents, atheists; all of these groups have a history of being labeled “insane” to control them.
If you’re on Delicious, feel free to tag entries ‘disfem’ or ‘disfeminists,’ or ‘for:feminists’ to bring them to our attention! Link recommendations can also be emailed to recreading at disabledfeminists dot com. Please note if you would like to be credited, and under what name/site.