6 responses to “Imperfections”

  1. Debbie Notkin

    Go you!

    I made a conscious decision in my 40s to learn how to ask for help and I’ve only done a so-so job of it. And that is starting from able-bodied privilege.

    So I can only imagine how much harder it might be for you. I hope it helps.

  2. Janna

    I know EXACTLY what you’re talking about here.

    When I was in elementary school, I somehow came to the conclusion that I could get friends if I showed the other kids that I was good at stuff (e.g., singing). Um, yah, not so much. 😛

    I’m the strong one, the caretaker, always in control, responsible, on top of things, organized… What’s hilarious (or maybe not so much) is that I have ADHD, so being all of these things actually takes a heckuvalot of spoons.

    And then I wonder why I have anxiety attacks. And people worry about me when I cry (because I never do, at least not in public). But I’m good at stuff, and one of the things I’m good at is, apparently, acting. Not on stage, of course; I can’t remember my lines to save my life. But in my day-to-day life? Hello, facade.

  3. Jack

    Congratulations on making the doctor’s appointment. And thank you for making this post – it sounds very familiar, given me a lot to think about.

  4. Astrid

    I can relate to everything you write. I was told subtly and not so subtly that I had to compensate for my blindness by being more independent, more sociable, more academically able, more everything than sighted people. It took a major breakdown in 2007 for me to realize I couldn’t keep up that way. That was also when I was diagnosed with autism, which explains some of my difficulties. Still, there is a part inside me that tells me I’m not autistic and I just fake it in order to be cut some slack.

  5. TamerTerra

    I am also one of those people. And due to the brain-fog, and my minimising the effect of symptoms and so not writing them down, when I finally do go to the doctor, she asks ‘and how long has this been going on for?’ and I never know.

  6. notemily

    I’ve been told my whole life that I’m selfish and spoiled, mostly by my family but also by various other people, including romantic partners. What gets me is that part of the reason people think I’m “selfish” is because I place a huge importance on taking care of myself–if I didn’t, I’d spiral back down into depression and anxiety. I know that from experience. It also has to do with what you say here about women being expected to take care of others first, I think.

    I find it difficult to ask for help (or accept it if people offer) because I don’t want to give people any more fuel for calling me selfish. But of course I can’t do everything on my own, and I don’t have any money so I can’t pay people to do the things I can’t, so I have to rely on others’ help. It’s hard.