Comments on: Dear Imprudence: The Unmannerly Doctor

By: Jayn

Jayn — Sun, 21 Mar 2010 22:02:05 +0000

Ang: Though this isn’t about disability, I can’t help but think of my FIL right now. He was, by all accounts, a great doctor, loved by his patients, and many in the community were disappointed when he stopped practicing. His wife and kids have very different stories about him Nothing like having to grin and bear it when people talk about what a great doctor he was.

By: Ang

Ang — Sat, 20 Mar 2010 15:30:18 +0000

Really interesting post, thanks.

I’ve been thinking about the ‘Everybody loves Dr. Whatsit!’ issue a lot, because I recently heard a negative report about a doctor who treated me for years and who was adored by his patients to a degree I’ve never seen before.

It bothered me to hear that he’d wrongly assumed this other patient didn’t take care of herself, because I’ve always seen him as a good listener and as an exceptionally good doctor in contrast to a mixed bag of colleagues. Then again, I didn’t doubt what she said. And I’ve also had bad experiences with a doctor who had a good reputation.

It’s especially important within the disabled community to acknowledge peoples’ bad medical experiences, I think…

By: Rebecca

Rebecca — Sat, 20 Mar 2010 13:28:40 +0000

Judith Martin/ Miss Manners is pretty big on disability rights. In her 1982 novel, Gilbert, she predicted the eventual passage of the ADA.

By: Milli

Milli — Sat, 20 Mar 2010 00:10:28 +0000

He lost patients over somebody else complaining? Huh? Don’t get me wrong, the BBB is a pretty skeezy “service”, but one bad review isn’t going to sink a doctor that everybody just loves (and what do you want to bet that everybody who loves him also has/intends to have children, and hasn’t found out how he might act towards a childfree woman?).

By: Quijotesca

Quijotesca — Fri, 19 Mar 2010 22:36:55 +0000

Err, I was referring to the gossip angle, not what the doctor did. I believe doctors are capable of being idiots. That just sounds like such a bizarre conversation, with the “flouncing” and all that.

By: Quijotesca

Quijotesca — Fri, 19 Mar 2010 21:06:46 +0000

So gossiping with your friends about an event that you weren’t present for is much more polite than writing a negative review? Um…OK. Hey, I’ve got it, if you like the guy so much, instead of just taking the rumor you’ve been fed as pure gospel and slandering a total stranger, go ahead and write your own ass-kissing review! Amazing how that works, isn’t it?

…See, this is why I don’t write advice columns. I almost wonder if this event actually happened and if it’s just the writings of an egomaniac doctor who can’t handle criticism. I find that just as far-fetched as the events in the letter.

By: AWV

AWV — Fri, 19 Mar 2010 17:00:26 +0000

Miss Manners is pretty awesome. My family has the big book which I think is from the 70s, so the views expressed by the letter-writers were pretty conservative. When I was about 12, my favorite exchange was:

Q: How should one respond when introduced to a homosexual “couple”?
Miss Manners: “How do you do?” “How do you do?”

By: Ouyang Dan

Ouyang Dan — Fri, 19 Mar 2010 15:29:37 +0000

Oh how familiar indeed!

Not that this is the best format for an update…but I did complain about my bad experience to the patient advocate at the hospital. A week later the advocate calls me back to tell me that the Nurse Midwife admitted freely to all the things I said and that she apologized to the advocate…let me say that again…

apologized to the advocate…

and never made any effort to apologize to me, because she maintained that it was her right to assert her opinion over my care. And the advocate agreed…and only understood what I was saying when I told her that this person is using incorrect information to advise other women.

We turn to these mediums because no one else is going to demand respect for us. If our hospital had something like a review site that I could use, I would sure as hell use it to rate a doctor who is using false information to make patients jump through hoops to get what the need or want, and then not even apologize to them when they are rude and condescending.

A personal apology is too much to ask.

By: Katie

Katie — Fri, 19 Mar 2010 13:13:49 +0000

Perhaps ironically, Miss Manners always strikes me as the most progressive advice columnist out there. She also always has good advice for responses to people who ask rude and invasive questions.