Daily Archives: 23 February, 2010

Trust Me

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A couple of weeks ago I asked my PCM for a referral to OB/GYN to replace the IUD that I had to surrender over the summer. She and The Guy and I have been talking for some time about the options and realities of having another child with my condition, and the answer we came up with is that we will wait for a little longer and see if I am still doing well with my current regimen.

Usually these things take weeks to schedule, but they called the next day, and I had my referral appointment on the second day. No matter what your history in the OB/GYN clinics you have to have counseling in order to get birth control through the MTF (all the ones in which I have been treated anyway), and the idea is that you get to talk to your OB/GYN about all of your birth control options, what you want from your birth control, take his or her advice, and decide on what is best for you. That is the theory, anyhow.

Some people (like me) have an idea ahead of time what they want or what is best for them. I, for example, due to my medical history and ongoing condition, am not able to use a hormonal birth control. Because of that I know that the copper IUD (ParaGuard) is the best option for me. Also because of this, I often read up on ParaGuard and IUD use in women, and try to keep abreast of any information regarding IUD usage, risks involved, etc. The IUD has such a bad reputation from so much misinformation that I feel the need to stay on top of this. Some would say this makes me a big smarty-pants-know-it-all. I say that sometimes a woman can’t trust that her doctor is going to take her word at face falue, and in the off chance that her doctor isn’t as awesome as mine she needs to be prepared. I am privileged to have information available at my fingertips.

I did not realize that my appointment would not be with my usual kick-ass OB/GYN, Dr. K, the same one who saved my fallopian tubes and life this summer and who promised to give me a shiny new IUD whenever I was ready for it. Not panicking when I saw the face of a woman I didn’t know I sat down as she introduced herself as Nurse Midwife V and told me that she had been looking over my file. Great. Maybe she was doing her background reading too, because I really tire of bringing every doctor up to speed constantly on my condition when it is right there on the computer screen for them to see. I don’t have a bunch of degrees and I can keep up with the required reading.

Before I had even the chance to say anything she told me that I was “not a candidate for an IUD” because of my ectopic pregnancy, and that she was not going to refer me for one. When I started to say that I understood that there were some risks she cut me off and told me that my pap was also past due and kept talking. I tried to assert myself past her obsession with people rooting around in my vagina, to let her know that I was aware that there were risks involved with the IUD, but that I knew that not only was what happened to me rare, but that I knew it was rare that it might happen again. But she wasn’t having any of that. She kept right on talking like I wasn’t even there.

I told her that my regular doctor had already said I was fine to have one. She responded by saying that it usually took weeks to get in to see him, as if this was supposed to deter me somehow. I also tried asking if the new ACOG regulations had been implemented yet, thinking this might distract her and get me closer to my goal (also, I am in the lag area none of them know what to do with, being 29, soon to be 30) and all she would say was that my pap was past due. Is it? I don’t know. I had a normal one in late 2008. I am in a mutually monogamous relationship…

When I left I told the front desk that I would no longer allow Nurse Midwife V to treat me. I am currently in the process of filing a formal complaint against her. What shouldn’t have happened here was having everyone from the desk staff to the NCOIC (that’s Non-commissioned officer in charge) tell me how nice Nurse Midwife V is and how everyone likes her so much, and that she is well known for being very good at what she does. That might well be true, great. My experience is that she was condescending and rude, and didn’t help me with my medical needs to my satisfaction. I think that people forget that sometimes, that doctors and nurses are also here to provide a service for us. I have a medical need, and she didn’t meet it. I shouldn’t have to settle for that. No matter how nice and great she is to work with. I also shouldn’t have my experience erased and dismissed by everyone in place to help me when things go wrong for me. That is not good patient advocacy.

I am rather privileged, however, in that I was able to make another appointment, and I saw Dr. K the next day. Had I been someone who had to drive a long way to a clinic, I might not have been able to. Had I had to pay out of pocket for this visit, or if my insurance limited the amount of OB/GYN visits or birth control counselings I was allowed per year, I would not have been able to. Had the travel cost me money I did not have, this would not have been possible. Had I not had the type of job I do where I set my own hours, I might have had to miss work. These are the kinds of things that women face when they come up against providers like Nurse Midwife V, providers who don’t want to listen to women, who won’t talk to women about their own bodies and medical histories. Providers who don’t trust women to be actively involved in their medical processes. Providers who can’t be bothered to involved women in the partnership that should be their own medical care, especially when it comes to their reproductive health. As it was, having to go back a second time was already taxing on my spoons, and stressful, because now I have be on my game. Suddenly I have to come in educated on something that my provider should have known the first time.

Thanks to meloukhia’s indominatable Google-fu I took in the information I was looking for, backing up what I had already said, that an ectopic pregnancy did not preclude me from having an IUD (or, that a previous ectopic pregnancy was not a contraindication for an IUD). Dr. K was impressed that I was so prepared. He told me that he had heard that information, but he himself had been so busy that he hadn’t had time to read any of the journals for himself. He told The Guy (who went with me this time, because they like to banter back and forth in Korean) that I should come in from time to time to keep him updated on current women’s health, and said he wished more people came to him so informed. He said that whomever told me that I couldn’t have an IUD was wrong. I was prepared, but I shouldn’t have had to come in as if I was fighting a war.

Two weeks later I have my IUD.

Nurse Midwife V didn’t care to ask why, after having one IUD failure (as rare as they are, b/c they are pretty much the most effective form of reversible birth control out there, with a fail rate of less than one percent), I would want another IUD. She didn’t bother to find out anything else in my medical history that might affect my decision to make that very personal choice about birth control, like that I am on medication that might have contraindications with hormonal birth control, or that previous specialists had determined that hormonal birth control is a migraine trigger for me. She simply asserted her own opinion (as wrong as it turned out to be) and called it a day. But all of that information is in my medical record if she cared to look. The same record she said she reviewed when she made her initial judgment.

And now, I can’t trust her.

Originally posted at random babble…

Parking spaces – Daily Mail Fail

The Daily Fail has a little maths problem. OK, they have a little everything problem, but in this particular case, well, you be the judge: Revealed: Why all those disabled bays stay empty

Hundreds of thousands of prime parking spaces in shopping centres are unused because of a legal obligation to provide four times as many disabled bays than are actually needed.

Supermarkets, shopping centres and leisure centres must allocate up to 6 per cent of their parking bays for disabled badge holders – even though just 1.4 per cent of the population is registered disabled*. […]

Campaigners are furious at the number of vacant disabled bays and believe more should be done to tilt the balance in favour of drivers with young children.

OK, so let’s do the math. On a small scale, anyhow. My family is 33.3% disabled. When we go out together, we need accessible parking 100% of the time. Oh, and we’re one of those mythical families, Daily Mail writers, that includes both a PWD and a young child. I know you think we don’t exist. But we’re right here.

Extrapolate up through the population, and suddenly those 6% figures (which only apply to small lots in the UK – large lots only need 4%) don’t look so excessive, do they?

Here’s another thing: When nondisabled people can’t find a space close by, they park further away and walk. When a disabled person can’t find an accessible space, she turns around and goes home. If the math doesn’t convince you, the social justice should.

In Australia? Only 1-2% – ONE to TWO PERCENT – of spaces are required to be accessible. 4% of Australians require accessible parking (do the math – this means that more than 4% of vehicles may contain a PWD who needs the accessibility), and that number is rising. AFDO recommends that a ratio of 10% may be more appropriate.

Many small businesses, including medical clinics, have no accessible parking at all. Many designated marked spaces do not meet standards and may not be accessible for all PWD – not wide enough, heavily sloping, blocked or non-existent access lanes and kerb cuts, further away from entrances than the “non-accessible” spots (I’m looking at you, IKEA), and so on.

“Cracking down” on parking permit abuse makes currently-nondisabled folks feel righteous, but it doesn’t do the job. We need more spaces, and we need compliant spaces.

*I’m assuming the 1.4% applies to those with blue badges in the UK, since around 20% of the population actually has a disability.

Recommended Reading for February 23rd

Warning: Offsite links are not safe spaces. Articles and comments in the links may contain ableist, sexist, and other -ist language and ideas of varying intensity. Opinions expressed in the articles may not reflect the opinions held by the compiler of the post. I attempt to provide extra warnings for material like extreme violence/rape; however, your triggers/issues may vary, so please read with care.

fearnleyCowra Guardian: Fearnley nominated for world sports award:

Former Charles Sturt University student Kurt Fearnley has again been recognised as one of the world’s greatest athletes by being nominated for a prestigious Laureus World Sports Award. […] Fearnley received his first nomination for the Laureus World Sportsperson of the Year with a Disability Award in 2007 but was beaten for the title by German skier Martin Braxenthaler. This year Fearnley will be joined by the captain of the Australian men’s Wheelchair Basketball team Justin Eveson in the race for the title.

frolicnaked at RH Reality Check: Endometriosis and “Why Don’t You Just…?”

Today, a close friend asked me how I was feeling, to which I said, “It’s bad enough to need the Percocet today.” I suppose her response shouldn’t have shocked me, but it did. “How can you work when you’re on those drugs?”

From there, I made the mistake of: a) continuing the conversation, and b) saying what I actually thought. “Isn’t the better question, ‘How do you work with debilitating pain?'” Because while I lament that I’m not necessarily more functional on narcotics than in 10+ pain, I know damn well that I’m not less. And you know, a lot of people I know don’t seem to register that, but they’re quite happy to share their opinions about what they think I shouldn’t be doing.

Brie at Feminists with Female Sexual Dysfunction: Guest Post – On the social construction of sex

There have been small steps taken to change the assumption that all women have the same sex life. But they are small steps. Whenever I talk to a friend about my sex-life or lack-there-of they are confused and don’t really understand. We have short 20 minute specials in the middle of the day, or on newscasts that only a select few are made aware of. Half of the specials that I have seen in the last few months I only knew about because the National Vulvodynia Association emailed me about them. And any attempt by network shows to highlight these problems, while appreciated, never quite get it right. ABC has tried, on a few occasions, to show women dealing with sexual dysfunction but the diagnosis and treatment happen so quickly it paints a false picture of the realities of the condition. We can’t expect miracles overnight I guess.

Philosopher Crip: Crip Conversations: When Activism and Scholarship Converge:

The following is an interview I conducted with my good friend, Bethany, who recently launched the blog CripConfessions.com.[…]

Bethany: CripConfeesions fits into my overall work because I am devoted to raising awareness and creating social change for disabled people. Through blog posting, I hope to add to my other work by providing a personal glimpse into my nuanced reality. I want more people to understand that disability is not a personal tragedy, but is an artful way of being. Of course, as a sexologist, I also want people to see disabled people as desirable and viable sexual/love partners so I hope some of my posts make some people realize how deliciously sexy disabled people are. CripConfessions then is just one part of the overall revolution of consciousness I seek to be a part of.

Miss Banshee: Defining Disability:

So why do I feel shame at saying I get that government check every month?

I guess it all has to do with how you see, or don’t see, disability. You can’t see my sickness. I can walk, and talk, and smile, and PRETEND everything is fine, and I do. You never SEE that I have a chronic illness. It’s all safely tucked away in my head, and I’ve spent the vast majority of my life seeing that it stays there, away from the world, my filthy, dirty secret. That I have a chronic, lifelong mental illness.

The Age: Family fought immigration laws for daughter

Australian migration laws tried to keep out a budding gymnast who delivers meals for charity. Cailan Ford-Weinberg was four when her Down syndrome was determined to be too heavy a cost on the healthcare system for her family to move from Britain, an inquiry into the migration treatment of disability heard.

After a lengthy $5500 appeal, the 15-year-old now has a shot at representing Australia at the Special Olympics and is well recognised in her community of Upper Ferntree Gully for volunteering with Meals on Wheels. […]

Disability Discrimination Commissioner Graeme Innes said the laws were outmoded. ”They make crude guesses and the assumptions they make about people with disabilities are only negative,” he said.

The perfect trifecta. And by “perfect”, I mean…

Sometimes, I’m almost tempted to believe there’s a special, special place in hell for people like US Republican State Delegate Bob Marshall of Manassas who says:

Disabled children are God’s punishment to women who have aborted their first pregnancy.

Yes, I’ll play that again.

Disabled children are God’s punishment to women who have aborted their first pregnancy.

Whatever happened to the “gift from God” inspirational-crip rhetoric?

And he didn’t shut up there. There’s more.

The number of children who are born subsequent to a first abortion with handicaps has increased dramatically. Why? Because when you abort the first born of any, nature takes its vengeance on the subsequent children.

He and others at the meeting suggest that Planned Parenthood should be renamed “Planned Barrenhood” or “Klan Parenthood”.

I do believe we have a perfect trifecta of menacing misogyny, violent disability hate, and misappropriating the civil rights movement for your bigoted cause. With a side serve of colossal, irredeemable scientific ignorance. And fail sauce.