12 responses to “Interview: Sex & Disability”

  1. The Nerd

    It’s amazing how people treat him like he’s sub-human! Disgusting. Thank you for sharing this story.

  2. Chally

    Wow, I’m sorry about your friends acting that way. Seconding the the thank you.

  3. kaninchenzero

    I wonder how much of this my wife gets. I know when she goes to social stuff without me people ask her lots of questions about what’s wrong with me–she tells me about that. But now I wonder what she might leave out.

    An ex of mine has mental illnesses, some of which I share. Some people, when they find out about her disorder, suddenly get all understanding about why we split up and I want to bite them, hard. We didn’t split up because of her mental illness. I left her because she hit me in anger. (If anything it was because of my mental illnesses because that triggered the hell out of me and I panicked every time I was near her.) Gosh we got reasons for shit just like not-crazy people, imagine.

  4. Myzzld

    Funnily enough, I was just talking about this with someone.

    In the first season of the Canadian TV show ReGenesis (I think it’s episode 10 “The Source”), the main character has a short relationship with a woman with chronic pain, who’s in a wheelchair. Granted, she can walk, and is young, thin, and beautiful, but I was still surprised and impressed.

  5. AWV

    I think it’s neat that they would portray a wheelchair user who can walk (although I haven’t seen the show, so I can’t say anything else about it). The mainstream view of wheelchair users tends to be that they can’t ever even stand up or anything, which is obviously annoyingly oversimplified and harmful to people.

  6. The_Great_Indoors

    This is a nice coincidence; I actually came here today to drop a tip about another sex and disability story. This week’s episode of The Moth (and if you’re not familiar with The Moth, you should be) is a young woman with cerebral palsy tells the story of her first love. The episode is called “Janice Bartley: Italian Stallion” and is available from their website or iTunes.

  7. hsofia

    Great interview; thanks for sharing. I am pretty horrified by the things some people have said to you … wow.

  8. fridawrites

    I appreciate the viewpoint from another spouse. I became a wheelchair user only after years of marriage and don’t know if people have said such things to my husband about my disability–if they have, he’d probably keep it from me, though I know he also would react with protest to such statements. I have started getting questions about how I go to the bathroom so I imagine there’s more on people’s minds. People have hinted he should leave or conversely, thanked him for staying and act like he’s a saint or a martyr for it. As with you, pain is the big impediment; when we hit low pain times and sometimes when can manage without increasing pain, we’re good to go.

  9. Edge of Thorns

    Myself wheelchair bound by nerve damage and med’ed out on pain meds, I can stand and walk a few steps with support, but perfer the ‘safety’ and mobility of the powerchair (it was like getting my life back when the VA came through with the chair)
    All of which is to let you know where I am, and perhaps also because like a religious ‘born again’ I have a need to tell people where I am, being finally at the accepting stage…
    uh, anyhow the reason for posting, before the side track, is to commit on how sometimes the best support comes from other marginalize peoples; in my case I have found the greatest support among Goth and BDSM communities, from guys, and gals, in black eyeliner and lace willing to dance close enough to risk toes and flowing clothing with out any sense of ‘doing the crip a favor’ or of perverse interest in being seen with a crip to BDSM get togethers where sweet subbie ‘boys’ help me with positioning and where I have also seen (often) emotionally/mentally shaky newbie subs protected from both themselves (by making sure they know what they are getting into in a nonsexual location) and the sadistic predators that sometimes claim to be Dom(me)s in order to abuse those who don’t yet understand a sub can always say ‘no’ even when the actual word is ‘orange’
    Universal? Possibly not, but I have found it true for me and thought it might be interested in those groups but were holding back out of fear of being PWD. Both cultures are very accepting of differences, and only ask the same grace in return…

  10. Edge of Thorns

    er sorry, lost a few words in tpying…
    “Universal? Possibly not, but I have found it true for me and thought it might be helpful for those interested in those groups but who were holding back out of fear of response to their being PWD”
    (Sigh, must remember to re-read entire post before hitting ‘submit’ key…)

  11. kaninchenzero

    I’ve also found the BDSM community fairly welcoming of people with disabilities, Edge of Thorns. Though I don’t get out much lately, it’s nice to know that I have a community out there for when I do. And they’re pretty cool with all of my mobility impaired mentally ill trans* poly pansexual switch self.

  12. K

    3rding a sense of support from the BDSM community. Not all the time & I know I’ve seen disagreements within/between people who practice it but… I was surprised with how accepting some of the more outspoken members are, at least on blogs.