Comments on: Some snappy answers for your stockpile

By: Rainbow

Rainbow — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 12:08:31 +0000

My favourite is when strangers or acquaintances ask the ‘how do you do x’ question, usually, how do you use a computer, how do you find your way around, how do you manage to colour co-ordinate your clothes so well, I understand that they’re just being interested and I usually try to answer politely and change the subject, but while it might have been the first time they’ve had chance to ask a visually impaired person these questions, it’s about the thousandth time I’ve had to answer them so patience wears very thin! I don’t go round asking sighted people how they do (insert daily activity here) because, as well as being not that interested (their own business after all) I think they’d have genuine trouble answering since being sighted is considered as the default ‘normal’ setting’ and because there’s is the dominant experience it’s unlikely they’d have given much thought to how they negotiate the world with sight, they just do, just like I don’t spend much time brooding over being blind, every time I go to the shops or hand in an essay or cross a road I’m not thinking about how amazing it is that I’m managing to do it, just getting on with it in my way.

On the how are you debate, most of the time it’s an automatic thing for me, always answered with ‘fine’, I’ve never really thought about it, but when my dad and I ask each other the question we always mean it, probably because we’re asking about each other’s various aches and pains and that’s understood, we’re never asking it out of politeness, funny how a question can mean such different things in different contexts.

By: Chally

Chally — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 04:34:07 +0000

That’s what I thought Grafton was referring to also, Sarah. Thank you.

By: Sarah

Sarah — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 03:13:07 +0000

Chally, while I obviously don’t know for sure what Grafton meant, I suspect that ze was referring to the difficulties which autistic people typically have with various social niceties. Many of us have learned from experience that people get mad at us or think we’re rude when we don’t ask them how they are. “Scripting” is a compensatory mechanism that many of use, quite consciously, in order to say the “right” things. This is the basic script most of us learn:

Person A: How are you?
Person B: I’m fine/good/etc.

For most autistic people it takes conscious effort to initiate this script or to respond to the question in an “appropriate” manner. So it can be quite confusing for us to find out that some people don’t like to be asked this question. While I definitely understand the legitimate irritations which many commentators are discussing, I do also think that it’s worth pointing out that some PWD don’t understand a lot of social protocols in the “typical” way, and hence can be confused about these kinds of conversations.

By: Jesse the K

Jesse the K — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 01:55:52 +0000

I’ve found a never-fail response: it’s accurate, it sends a message to those who would hear it, and it’s short.

How are you?
I’m breathing.

By: The White Lady

The White Lady — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 22:56:43 +0000

I like the pudding one.

Patrick, I honestly don’t care whether I am endearing myself to complete strangers.

By: Chally

Chally — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 21:14:54 +0000

I don’t think it’s hostile, either. Whether it angers someone or not is besides the point of, you know, all the things everyone has said in this thread.

By: Patrick

Patrick — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 21:12:24 +0000

I understand that it’s not, but, at the same time, is angering people the goal? I think “How are you?” is overused and under-considered, but I don’t think it’s hostile.

By: Static Nonsense

Static Nonsense — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 21:11:51 +0000

@Chally: Sure thing. My apologies.

By: Chally

Chally — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 20:48:40 +0000

I’m sorry that’s the case, Grafton. I guess if it’s not useful to you, it’s not useful to you. The ‘how are you’ post has something of an autism focus and you may find that better.

If only that were the aim, Patrick.

Can everyone refrain from references to violence in this thread, please?

By: Static Nonsense

Static Nonsense — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 20:32:18 +0000

Q: If you could have just one day of not being disabled, what would you do?
A: If you could have just one day of not being incredibly rude, what would you do with all the spare time?

Win.

Another answer that I would love to give is “Probably get up and slap you.”