Two things I have lost, three things I have gained

I can’t rely on my body to produce all the energy I want anymore, to do what I want anymore. I have to ration out time and energy and the capacity for certain things.

I no longer trust that people will stick by me when things get inconvenient, when being my friend gets messy; that I’ll get the support I need.

Those are two things I’ve lost.

I have a community. I don’t have to explain things to these people, I don’t have to get embarrassed, disabled people just get it. I belong a little more.

I have a framework to fit my experiences. It’s easier to not shame myself for not fitting someone else’s standard.

I’ve greater self-awareness. I have learned to respect my body and work to sustain it.

These are three things I’ve gained.

[Cross-posted at Zero at the Bone]

By 6 January, 2010.    introspective, life changes  ,  



3 Comments

  1. Spot on. Thanks for helping me remember the three things, and how they can really compensate for the other two.

  2. Yes, so true. It is good to remind ourselves of the positive consequences of being part of the disability community.

  3. So simple and so beautiful.

    The pain from those losses is real and must be acknowledged.

    But the benefit from the gains — we have to allow ourselves to just enjoy them. To just appreciate them. Without qualifying or filtering that feeling. Many of us have trouble allowing ourselves that enjoyment/appreciation.

    But we deserve it. Every one of us deserves it. Simply for being human. Simply for being. And simple existence can be such a wonderful thing.