Two things I have lost, three things I have gained

I can’t rely on my body to produce all the energy I want anymore, to do what I want anymore. I have to ration out time and energy and the capacity for certain things.

I no longer trust that people will stick by me when things get inconvenient, when being my friend gets messy; that I’ll get the support I need.

Those are two things I’ve lost.

I have a community. I don’t have to explain things to these people, I don’t have to get embarrassed, disabled people just get it. I belong a little more.

I have a framework to fit my experiences. It’s easier to not shame myself for not fitting someone else’s standard.

I’ve greater self-awareness. I have learned to respect my body and work to sustain it.

These are three things I’ve gained.

[Cross-posted at Zero at the Bone]

3 thoughts on “Two things I have lost, three things I have gained

  1. So simple and so beautiful.

    The pain from those losses is real and must be acknowledged.

    But the benefit from the gains — we have to allow ourselves to just enjoy them. To just appreciate them. Without qualifying or filtering that feeling. Many of us have trouble allowing ourselves that enjoyment/appreciation.

    But we deserve it. Every one of us deserves it. Simply for being human. Simply for being. And simple existence can be such a wonderful thing.

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