Comments on: No, Actually, “Eat a Sandwich” is Not “Feminist Activism”…

By: Cecelia

Cecelia — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 02:48:46 +0000

Thank you for this one dear!

By: Frankincensy

Frankincensy — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 13:06:25 +0000

Thank you so much for this post. “Eat a sandwich!” and “Real women have curves!” are some of the most divisive things that get said in the name of body acceptance, and too often they serve to derail otherwise useful conversations on what’s wrong with beauty standards and the policing of women who don’t meet the ideal. There needs to be a disconnect between criticising the media’s obsession with thinness and criticising actual thin women for being the way they are; and people need to stop thinking as if flippant remarks about eating a sandwich or not throwing up are helpful or acceptable.

Not-so-strangely enough, I almost never see this kind of thing in dedicated fat acceptance circles, maybe because the people writing there have actually figured out that you can’t make things better for one group of women by marginalising and dehumanising another.

Side note, and I hope this isn’t derailing: for the friends or loved ones of a person with an eating disorder, expressing your concern without expressly linking it to the person’s weight (“are you okay?”, “I’m here if you want to talk about anything”) can be a lot more helpful than size-related comments. When someone tells me I’m looking thin, it’s confusing (because I struggle to see myself as anything close to thin) and puts me on the defensive right away, and phrases like “dreadfully thin” and “it hurts to look at you” only increase the tension and pain. I realise that watching someone you love suffer from an ED IS extremely distressing, but how the concern is communicated makes a difference.

It’s also worth mentioning that ED’d people may already be afraid that everyone around them is keeping tabs on their (the ED’d person’s) weight and food intake; reinforcing this can make the self-consciousness even worse.

By: Lis

Lis — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 05:52:28 +0000

Argh, cousin, sorry. I need to read more carefully!

By: Lis

Lis — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 05:51:58 +0000

Since this is the most recent “language” post, I’d like to ask why I feel scared of asking people to stop using phrases and words.

Well, because people frequently do react in a hostile way when they’re asked not to use oppressive language. It’s usually because they resent the implication that their actions are hurting people, or that they would choose to be offensive. I totally support and applaud your calling your sister out, but I think you are reasonable to expect a somewhat negative reaction. That’s pretty common.

By: Kaitlyn

Kaitlyn — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 02:57:54 +0000

Since this is the most recent “language” post, I’d like to ask why I feel scared of asking people to stop using phrases and words.

My cousin used “gay” to describe New Moon (because she thinks it’s terrible, not because of some research of the series that would address homosexuality). And then the person responding to her (who I don’t know) used it again. I responded asking her not to use gay as an insult.

Now I’m worried about her response.

By: sanabituranima

sanabituranima — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 01:08:57 +0000

“Healthy, “real” men eat their weight in biscuits and gravy. So a man with an ED could be perceived as extra-defective.”

But at the same time, they’re not allowed to get fat.Heavy with muscle, yes, but not fat.

Weight policing sucks.

By: Ouyang Dan

Ouyang Dan — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 00:01:02 +0000

Oh Ceiling Cat I love you all!

By: kaninchenzero

kaninchenzero — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 18:30:18 +0000

What Lis said. (I was gonna but I was busy ranting somewhere else.)

By: Lis

Lis — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 18:09:29 +0000

Perhaps one day, it will be about minding one’s own business. Helpful commentaries about somebody else’s health or ability status are also noxious, just in a different way.

It would be so amazing if people could just not comment on other peoples’ bodies without invitation.

By: Layla Aaron

Layla Aaron — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 17:59:54 +0000

LeeLee, you are so right. The comments are always in connection to appearance rather than wellbeing. It’s easy to get worked up about it. It’s sad that shape, size and appearance are more important than health and wellbeing. Perhaps one day, in a perfect world, it will be all about the health.