From the able-bodied privilege checklist.

I think I’m going to have to work on a cognitive ability privilege checklist, or something like that, because both the Neurotypical as well as the able-bodied privilege checklist seem to ignore this aspect.
.-= Kowalski´s last blog ..Ban The R-Treatment: “Whatever the politically correct term is” =-.

I sorta know what you mean, as my husband has some problems too and everybody is constantly asking if he’s better yet, if he’ll get back to any kind of work, making suggestions about this great herbal remedy, etc… It does get frustrating, so if I take the time I can imagine how it could be worse for someone with a visible disability.

I just find it hard to get around the idea that it feels rude to me to just converse with someone as if I haven’t even noticed something difficult for them, even if it’s just to say ‘Oh I’m sorry, that must be hard’, and then get on with the conversation. I will try to know better, and hold my tongue in future. But it will still be a bit against my instincts, so it is something I will have to remember to actively resist.

Thank you for taking the time to explain for, no doubt, the umpteenth time for you.

Maybe I shall turn this around. Assuming that the gravatar image is you. Why is your hair like that? Oh, dear, you know, I once knew someone with hair like that, and they took this special herb for three weeks and crossed their eyes while sitting under the full moon and POOF! their hair went back to normal. Does it hurt to have your hair that way? Do you know how people like you, with hair like that, are ruining for REAL people with REAL hair problems? Oh, you poor dear, you must need a lot of help with hair like that. Gosh, why would ANYONE date someone with hair like that? Are you capable of having sex with hair that way? Can I ask you some personal questions about your hair – is your hair that color all the way down if you know what I mean? *stare* *stare* *stare* *stare* *stare*

Except all the time. Everywhere.

And if at any point you’re not really really really nice and willing to tell people the intimate details of your life, you’re an *awful* human being, and now whoever you’re talking to will NEVER trust anyone with hair like yours again.

I get, sincerely, that people who ask questions about my husband’s body are just curious, and don’t mean any harm by it.

But neither did the six other people who asked today. Neither did the doctor who bent his fingers backwards just to see how far they’d go. Neither did my mother, who asks every single time she calls if he’s gotten any better yet. Neither did the person who used my personal medical situation to ask if my husband was “capable” of having sex.

It gets tiring, and alienating.

I mean, yeah – as an individual person, you’re not doing anything wrong. It’s just you’re part of the avalanche.

I look forward to the discussion. There are probably much better things to read on the subject, but I did do a post at the BBC a few years back about what we call people who are not disabled. Probably the best thing about it is the comment from a non-disabled person who proposed to describe himself as “disability challenged”.

I also think part of impairment is social (and not just personal), but that is for another post.

Also, if you were not born with your impairment/disability, “nothing” works too. It shuts them up.

I had my thyroid removed in 2003 when I was 14. It’s not as bad as they used to be, but it’s still there. And I like my breasts, I like clothes meant for them, so the base of my neck is often visible.

One guy – don’t know him, never saw him again – almost made me cry by telling me I had seaweed on my neck. (It was at a campsite with a lake.)

Of course, later on, I just ran with it. I was eating lunch with some friends maybe a year or two later at school, and one of their other friends came and sat with us. I didn’t know him. He asked me about my neck. I told him it was tattoo. He believed me. I’m horrible.

As for oversharing – I missed only half of one year due to a nasty skin infection. I told people what it was. They weren’t happy.

One of the problems with 101, as you yourself identified here, is that it consists of building blocks, and sometimes the order of the building blocks gets a bit mucked up; we perhaps should have started with this exploration and then talked about able privilege.