Comments on: Disabled Sexuality and Disempowerment Through Fetishization

By: genderbitch

genderbitch — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 23:22:54 +0000

Alright, the post is written. As promised I’m linking here in the comments.

Attraction, Objectification and Sexual Culture
http://www.harlots-parlour.com/2009/11/attraction-objectification-and-sexual.html

By: Jesse the K

Jesse the K — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 03:58:18 +0000

I’ve been chewing on this issue for nine years — and getting nowhere — so thank you! for the helpful distinction between objectification and attraction. Bells are ringing! Lights are flashing (but not at seizure-inducing rates)! Warm breezes are blowing by!
Jesse the K´s last blog ..Find Recipes with Recipe Puppy

By: Kaitlyn

Kaitlyn — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 20:44:21 +0000

Reading this post and the comments remind me of La bohème/Rent – people (women) with TB looked so gorgeous, so pale, so fragile!

So this isn’t a new thing. Yeah, I got nothing.

By: Autumn Sandeen

Autumn Sandeen — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 00:19:11 +0000

I read Samantha’s, Kaz’s, ang Genderbitch’s comments here, and dread that future day my invisible disabilities become visible. Having already gone throught the phase of my transition where chasers have been attracted to me, and now no longer get pegged as trans, so I was pleased no longer to be objectified as trans.

But disabilities…I hadn’t even considered that my currently invisible disabilities becoming more visible as I age will likely result in yet another kind of sexual objectifying of my life experience.

Crap. Thanks all for the education.

By: Amanda

Amanda — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 16:06:46 +0000

Oh and, Kaz — one thing to watch out for can be autism and/or AS support groups offline. I generally avoid them because I don’t like support groups period, but I’ve known a lot of women who avoid them because the moment they come through the door half the men converge on them.

By: Amanda

Amanda — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 15:58:40 +0000

I don’t even think it’s just non-disabled men who can end up fetishizing disabled women. I’ve gotten similar responses from a couple physically disabled men, in ways that seemed somehow more as if I was being objectified for my impairments, rather than approached as an equal among fellow disabled people. (And I, like others, don’t just mean an innocent preference for disabled people.)

As a fat woman, if a guy approached me wanting to “feed” me, I think I would cuss him out if I wasn’t reeling from the shock of what was going on. Not only do I find the whole dynamic repulsive, but I find large quantities of food repulsive (probably because eating hurts and I have dysphagia) so… even the thought is doubly revolting. I’ve never heard of the “feeder” thing before, and… BLECH.

By: genderbitch

genderbitch — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 05:34:22 +0000

Um, huh, I keep on typing in the wrong name on occasion.

recursiveparadox = genderbitch.

Both names are mine, sorry if I confused anyone. I’ve been wicked scattered lately and sometimes the Name field is autofilled.

By: genderbitch

genderbitch — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 03:21:19 +0000

I do gotta second where Goldfish said about attraction vs. objectification (which I didn’t spot earlier).

If someone is specifically sexually attracted to the mixture of traits that my body possesses as a trans woman but doesn’t objectify me, sees me as a person, with her own needs, loves, and is aware of power dynamics and avoids harming me through those dynamics (which really is something any lover who is part of a privileged group in relation to me ought to be mindful of) then I really don’t see the problem with that.

Same if someone is specifically sexually attracted to me for my ADD, my fucked up feet, hell, even as gross as my IBS is, my IBS. If I’m not being objectified it isn’t a problem for me.

None of this is to say that if you personally feel creeped out by it you shouldn’t. Foot fetishes creep me out. I just don’t think attraction ought to be equated to objectification. It doesn’t invariably follow.

I’ll go more in depth in my chaser post.
genderbitch´s last blog ..The Body Is Not The Only Aspect That Can Be Abled

By: amandaw

amandaw — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 00:16:48 +0000

I am not your cheeseburger, okay.

OMG, Kaz, I love you.

By: Kaz

Kaz — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 00:03:37 +0000

I sort of expect there are no devotees for Asperger’s or stuttering or anxiety – at least, I certainly hope there aren’t! I tend to get incredibly freaked out by people expressing sexual interest in me at all, because I’m asexual. Not only am I not interested and never will be, but I also know that “sexual interest” is this incredibly! strong! biological! urge! that I have absolutely no concept or understanding of, and having people aim some really strong urge at me that is utterly alien to me and that people compare in intensity to *hunger* or *thirst* freaks me out. I am not your cheeseburger, okay.

And that’s just people expressing any kind of sexual interest at all. Fetishes? Please stay on the other side of the planet from me from now on kthxbai.