Of course! That is, some of us do, but there’s nothing about disability that means we don’t ever have sex. As with any other group in society, some of us are sexual and some of us are asexual. Some of us are celibate, some of us are in steady sexual relationships, some of us like a one night stand. Which is to say, we’re far from being a sexual monolith! (… as it were.)

The reason PWD aren’t considered as sexual – particularly “visibly” disabled PWD – is that the idea of “the perfect body” as the only sexual body dominates popular discourse. Additionally, we have the stereotypes of PWD as pathetic or stoic, far removed from the sexual. Not to mention the fact that disabled people tend to be shoved away from the general public. This idea is not due to some inherent aspect of disability that negates sexuality, it’s just bigotry. The lack of recognition for PWDs’ sexuality has meant, less so in recent years, that a lot of PWD aren’t given appropriate sex education. Without proper sex ed, it’s harder to take charge of one’s own sexual life and body. This lack of information has its role in enabling the high rates of abuse against PWD. There is a lot of horrific policing of the bodies and sexuality of disabled women in particular, as you’ll read about on this blog in less 101-type discussions.

When those PWD who are sexual are seen as such, it’s often to the exclusion of many modes of sexuality. Remember, disabled people, like non-disabled people, have all sorts of sexualities that can change throughout life. We can be queer and straight, poly and mono, kinky and vanilla (which is not to say that all of those are exclusively sexual identities, either). Not everyone is into or can have PIV intercourse, and all kinds of sexual activity are as legitimate as the participants consider them to be. And, of course, implicit in the question ‘Do disabled people have sex?’ is the question ‘Do disabled people have partnered sex?’ As such, that’s the question I’ve been answering, but it’s best not to forget that masturbation is fun, too!

There’s another myth that PWD only have sex with other PWD. This is based on the assumption that no one “normal” would want to have sex with someone who doesn’t fit into rigid norms. Sex isn’t just for young, white, abled, straight couples, no matter what TV tells you. Of course, the idea that sex with disabled people isn’t ideal means that it’s sometimes harder for disabled people to find sexual partners. To which I say, people with that kind of bigoted attitude are missing out on some really great sex.

Disability often influences a person’s sex life, as it does many other aspects of life. (Not to mention framing disability as this overarching barrier to sex obscures the fact that, you know, other factors have their role in how and if a person is sexual.) Pain or fatigue or physical features, for instance, can have an impact, but that doesn’t mean PWD are never sexual. Because there are so many different types of disability – and some people have multiple disabilities – there are lots of different changes PWD and their partners might make to make sex possible, easier or just more fun. This could include clear communication when a partner has an anxiety disorder, assessing which positions are most comfortable with a particular body shape, adapting sex toys for people with limited motor control and a whole range of things.

Disabled people’s sexualities exist, and are quite as varied and wonderful as those of non-disabled people.